Grief

*Long Post ALERT* – Say what?! Another lesson/reflection?! God’s timing, not my timing. 🤷

Grief.

Ugh. There. I said it. 

I’ve noticed lately so many of us are feeling a lot. There’s death all around us. We’re hearing of riot brutalities, military, natural disasters, COVID, old age, illnesses, etc.. We can’t turn on the news without hearing about numbers. Numbers.. Numbers.. Numbers.

Did you know grief doesn’t necessarily have to be about a death? It doesn’t have to be about a loss of a person? It can be about a loss of a life you thought you’d have, a sentimental item, a relationship, a job, a home, etc. 

Did you know you can grieve an event that didn’t even happen? You can grieve what could’ve been vs what was. 

Did you know you can grieve a person who isn’t even gone? You can. There’s even a name for it called a living grievance. I was introduced to this concept at the beginning of my healing journey in counseling five years ago. Frankly, I was shocked to hear this was “a thing.”

Well I’m here to tell you something… I’ve experienced this kind of grief and grieved someone no longer living. You know what the difference is? Nothing. 

I’ve also grieved just about any of those areas listed above. You know what’s different? Nothing.

You know what the best advice is when grieving? Don’t let anyone tell you how to do it. You can grieve any darn time you want. You can grieve about what you need to. Just because it’s not a big deal to someone else, doesn’t mean it isn’t to you. It’s not their mountain to climb or their valley to go through. It’s yours.

I’ll say it one more time. You feel how you need to feel. You grieve what you need to grieve. It’s yours. Not theirs.

Does it have to be about death? No. 

Can it be? Yes.

Can I grieve more than one thing at a time? Yes.

Do I have to sit at home alone while I do it? No. 

Can I go out and be around people? Yes. 

Should I be judged for going out and doing something? No.

Will I? Yes. 

Why? Because some people seem to think they’re in charge. Guess what? They aren’t. 🙏☝️☁️ They seem to think they know how grieving should look. 

If you’re reading this, you might already know this. It feels good to hear it from someone else, doesn’t it? It feels good to be validated for your feelings.

And that my friends is what we should be doing. Validating each other’s truths. 

So grieve away. Grieve what life you should’ve had if XYZ didn’t happen. Grieve someone who is alive and well. Grieve a relationship that will never be. Grieve a friendship that didn’t work. 

Do what you need to. Do it all at once. I’m doing it in 7 different areas right now (that I can easily identify) but who’s counting? It’s not a competition. It’s a moment to unify together.

I just ask if you are hurting and feeling, that you do it safely. Please share with someone you feel close to, someone safe. 

I’m not going to lie, the pain won’t go away. Fortunately, it’ll move to the side at times for happiness to come forward. 

Grief. It sucks, but it makes you grow.

I’m thinking of you my friend. I truly am. I’ve been there. I am there. Thanks for reading. ❤️

With honest intentions,

Krista ❤️

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