Today I went to pick up my son from preschool, and the church next door was finishing a funeral.
I saw the cars. The black hearse. The car behind it with what I assumed were the family members of the deceased.
Immediately my heart sank. I feel so deeply for those people. To know that someone just on the other side of the parking lot is grieving a loss of a loved one is completely heart breaking to me. It takes me back to every moment that I’ve lost a loved one, a funeral I’ve been to, and all the sad moments I’ve experienced in my life.
I feel so deeply in moments like this. Here I am, eight hours later writing a blog post about it. I can’t shut my mind off from it.
It’s hard to be an empath.
I’m NOT dramatic.
I’m NOT super emotional all the time.
I’m NOT easily offended.
I AM sensitive.
It’s NOT a choice.
It. Is. Who. I. Am.
Sometimes I just want to shut myself in an empty blank room filled with absolutely no one. Better yet, lose myself in the details of every day objects. This could be the sky, a stapler, a flower, anything! Just so I can have the quiet moment with God. He is my zen. He brings me back to my center and stabilizes my emotions.
I’m not sure how I did it before knowing Him. Honestly, I just stewed about something that happened for days on end. Now, I still take a while to move forward, but I am more likely to last a day versus two or three.
It’s sad and lonely to be so empathetic. At least for me. I haven’t met many people like me. Feeling so sad for all the hurt that a person feels to have brought them to that moment. I think of times when I’ve felt so incredibly low. Then, I think of others who are hurting like me or worse.
I feel excitement too. My sister always told me I seemed fake or insincere when others shared good news or if I ran into an old friend on the street. I genuinely feel their positive emotions. I DO get giddy and excited when I see someone I haven’t talked to in a while. They don’t have to be close, it can be an old classmate or co-worker.
It’s just me…
…It’s hard to me an empath.
Now I’m back to thinking about that black hearse today. How there is someone at home right now, crying their eyes out because they lost a loved one.
Yeah, it’s a hard life as an empath…
With honest intentions,