The last few weeks have really opened my eyes to so many moments that have caught me off guard. I’ve had events filling me with tears and full of defeat. There have been other moments that had me strong and ready to follow Christ in His plan.
One day, I’m feeling full of the Holy Spirit, leading me to make huge waves in this new town. The next day, I’m full of loneliness with constant reminders that this isn’t going to be easy or on my timeline.
Clearly, this isn’t just about me. This isn’t just about my emotions being felt in this transition of my life. I am under spiritual attack. Satan is trying to get the best of me. Some of you may say this isn’t true. Some may not believe it. Some many disagree with me bringing light to it all. I used to feel this way. I thought all this talk was crazy.
However, I don’t care. This is me fighting back. This is me showing Satan that I am not here for his tricks. I am not here to play that game. I am here to follow God. I am here to stand up and share what I’ve learned through the few short years of knowing the truth. Knowing who God truly is. Not what the Bible tells me, but what He tells me.
So, to fight back on it all. I find it useful to sit and make a list of all the moments this month that Satan has gotten the best of me and where God has filled me with joy.
Attack- We had our SEVENTH leak in the rental house.
Blessing- The landlord paid for it.
Blessing- None of our belongings of high value were destroyed.
Attack- Benjamin the baby fell down the basement steps WITH the baby gate latched on the doorway. He somehow pushed it off the door and fell. (it was on very tight, I checked the snugness while putting it on the doorway) I saw the whole thing as I ran after him. Awful, awful.
Blessing- Benjamin fell onto the plastic baby gate not the tile floor.
Blessing- Mike is a former EMT, so he was able to check on Benjamin without going to the E.R.
Blessing- Benjamin screamed for about five minutes, but had no other issues afterwards. No broken bones. No vomiting. No concussion. One small bruise on his head. It could’ve been MUCH worse.
Attack- Lucas and Mike had their FOURTH bad haircut. We went to multiple places that were highly recommended and they butchered it completely. (I know it’s just hair…still annoyed)
Blessing- We actually had money to pay another stylist to fix both haircuts.
Blessing- We fellow parent in Lucas’s preschool class cuts hair on the side. Now we have someone who can cut his hair.
Attack- Multiple attacks have been made on Mike and I’s marriage. Most conversations have resulted in some type of disagreement. I can sense the tension and conversation turn so abruptly.
Blessing- God is working so hard on us to heal old wounds and communicate even more effectively.
Blessing- Mike has become more present and in turn a better father/husband.
Blessing- With silence in our conversations from frustration, comes so much more medication and prayers.
Blessing- God revealed my next steps in my faith to finding a religion.
Blessing- I joined a Bible study, which is HUGE step for me because I feel like I’d be judged for it in the past.
Attack- The women in the Bible study aren’t open to being vulnerable.
Attack- Loneliness has consumed me once again because of triggers from my past and lack of vulnerability.
Blessing- Friends in Washington who fill me up with strength to keep fighting and share my vulnerability to help others grow.
Attack- Everyone in the family getting sick for two weeks. The baby was sick for THREE because of an ear infection…
Blessing- Good health insurance. After last year paying double than previous years and Mike’s old job not covering as many costs, THIS was huge.
Blessing- Having a phenomenal pediatrician close by and medicine.
Blessing- Not getting sick myself and staying strong for the family.
Blessing- Patience with myself during it all..I was able to see the lessons from the past year in pure light.
Attack- Mike getting very last minute news that he would be gone for a conference for two weeks vs one.
Blessing- Trip #1 being cancelled due to illness.
Blessing- It could’ve been longer.
Blessing- His safe return.
These are just a few moments this month that really showed me the dark and light of my life. I take one leap forward following Christ, and multiple steps back from negative thoughts in my mind. To some it’s small. Honestly looking back, some of it is VERY small. Although, so much of this triggers me emotionally. It triggers my character as a person, as a Mom, as a wife, and as a Christian.
That is where Satan is trying to hurt me. This is also where God is revealing so much more to me.
He is showing me my strength.
He is showing me my worth.
He is showing my growth.
A lot of this didn’t bother me. Some moments did. Other moments, it was just another attack on my list that I refuse to be upset about.
What has God revealed to you this month?
With honest intentions,