I sit here and think about this last month as I reflect from my monthly refinement…
This month went by so quickly. I’ve been in the lowest of the low mentally this month.
I’ve gone through some serious homesickness. I’ve missed my friends so badly. I’ve missed my old house more than ever. Not the physical house. More the things that come with a home like ownership, a place to entertain, a kitchen that fit all my baking tools, my community, a room that fit all my furniture, a place that had order.
That. Right there.
I miss a place that had order.
I’ll say it one more time…
This is what I’ve so desperately been needing. I finally put my finger on it. All of us need the order. All of us need the stability a permanent home brings.
Nearly daily God has opened my eyes to His plan for us. I was mad that things were going so slow on finding our new permanent home.
I could’ve done two things… Sit here in my anger and wither away (I tried for a couple weeks… Okay, maybe three weeks. That just didn’t suit me.) OR I could make the most of it. I could continue to turn towards Him and seek guidance in a less than ideal place for me emotionally.
Though I never turned away from my faith throughout this month, I really questioned Him. I asked him constantly, “why?”
Why are we just sitting here? Why aren’t we carrying out Your work yet? Why am I in pain? Why am I mad?
All the questions I could think of. I turned to Him.
Then one day, I saw the answers. I say, “saw” because I know they were being given to me a long time ago. I was just too angry to see them. I was letting my panic and anxiety of the chaos consume me.
Then, I saw it. I saw that in all the chaos of change, one thing stayed the same. That was God. He never left. He never walked away. He was here. Constantly. He was my order that I so desperately needed.
You know what happened when I turned to him? My outlook became so much more clear.
I now have answers to my questions. I now see that these moments I’m in are not here to test my patience. They are here, because God is actually REWARDING me.
He is giving me a breather. He is giving US a breather. He knows more than anyone how much we needed to catch our breath. He knew Mike needed time to get acclimated to his new position. He knew I needed a moment from being in the speed 100 this past year. He knew. All along. He knew.
I took this insight and brought it into my life on the daily. Fitting, right? With it being November and all. I spent everyday with my family listing everything we were thankful for. We talked about our highs and lows. We prayed together to seek strength. Even Mr. Lucas. Especially the past couple weeks with illness and his tooth.
Then, little by little. We all started to feel better. We started to smile more. We started to just laugh during the really hard exhausting times. I can’t even count how many times I’d turn to Mike this month and just laugh vs cry. More so within the past week than the month.
Yet, that’s what we did. We sat here and started to brainstorm ways to make this moment a better one. 💚
For those of you still sticking with me as I typed this, here are my monthly refinement lessons.
1. It has been a whole YEAR since our huge refinement in this season began. It’s when we got the biggest push of our lives to start seeking a new home for ourselves. A new home that would carry out God’s work. A home that fit our needs as a family. A next step in Mike’s career to better him as a person. A place to call home, not just where we live. A place for Mike to love working vs a job to pay the bills.
2. Water softeners are magical.
3. The Lord knew I needed the holidays during our breather. I just love what it brings at this time of year. 🧡
4. Don’t buy Scott toilet paper. Why do I keep doing these things to myself?! #changeisnotalwaysgood
5. Midwest people don’t like thick crust in their pie or their pizza. #nowyouknow
6. There are TWO prequels to “Marrying Father Christmas” on the Hallmark channel. Don’t be like me who watched the last one before the other two. 😂
7. Candles make everything more festive, soothing, and cozy. You can never have too many.
8. Wait to decorate for Christmas after Thanksgiving. The anticipation is the best part.
Thanks for sticking with my long post. I appreciate the kind words and conversation these bring. ❤️💚🧡
With honest intentions,