Last day of the month calls for my monthly lesson update.
It feels like an eternity since I’ve done this. Although, it has only been a month! One month. Last month at this time I was in Washington. I was comfortable. Yearning for more, but comfortable. I had my supportive friends and community. Today, I’m in Illinois. There has been even more refinement this month for all of us. I’m knee deep in a lesson and I’m not 100% sure what that lesson is yet. I’ve been stressing about what God is calling me to do next, and then it was brought to my attention that I don’t need to know it all.
Oh yeah… I forgot about that one.
I so easily go back into my, “know all, do all, fix all phase.” I can’t be doing that. I just can’t. Not right now. Not during a huge transition for the family. Not when I’m not fully myself. Not when I’m tired. My mind and body are just now catching up with the rest of me right now. It is catching up with what a crazy month we’ve had.
Welp, here I stay.. Not knowing much. Knowing too much. Being mad about what I know. Being sad about what I don’t know.
My list of findings this month are short. Much shorter than past months. It’s not because I’m too busy to reflect.. Okay, some of it might have been a couple weeks ago when I was in survival mode. However, most of it just hasn’t been revealed to me yet.
Here it goes…
1. My new Costco doesn’t have 1% milk and I’m pretty upset about it. 😂😭
2. I miss WinCo. I need my bulk buckets. 😭
3. I need Jesus. Boy do I ever. 🙏✝️
4. I’ve been mad at God this month. Not many people admit this one. But, I am. 🙋 I want His plan to move faster. I’d like to be in my own home right now vs an old smelly rental.
5. Though I’ve been mad at God, I haven’t stopped talking to Him. I tell Him how I really feel. The past 24 hours He has put some peace in my heart to let me know that He still has me and hasn’t left. 🤗
6. The majority of the month I’ve felt like I’m drowning. How did we do it? Seriously. 🙌
7. Speaking of water and drowning… that we will not be doing. We are not taking baths as of now. We have yellow water in our rental y’all. I’m officially grossed out and trying not to be dramatic. BUT THE WATER IS YELLOW.. Apparently, it’s a thing here. Even more so in the old house. 😫
8. Discernment should be my middle name right now. Ugh. 🙏
This month I have not felt, “okay.” I say this, because I promised you all I would be honest. I wouldn’t just sit here and say, all these glorious things from the past months. No, I promised to be honest. I promised to be real and raw because that’s who I am. Trying to put one foot in front of the other and go through this life as happy as I possibly can with God by my side. Right now though, he’s carrying me. Eventually I’ll be on my own two feet again, but right now there’s no other place I’d rather be than here in Illinois, in God’s arms, an emotional mess, while eating old Halloween candy. 🧡
*Image Cred: Pinterest*
With honest intentions,